Well, hello old friend.

Oh how quickly you devour my life.

Just today, I let you back in.

It was only this afternoon.

So daring of me, after three years of misery.

Silent protruding hips

rail legs

and spine.

Fly me to the moon
Let me play among the stars
Let me see what spring is like
On a-Jupiter and Mars

Everything I do contradicts what I last did, it’s pathetic. How am I suppose to get anywhere at this rate?

Thailand

Yeah, I know its been awhile. In February I ventured to Thailand. In ten days I rode elephants, held a real white tiger, and visited too many temples. I brought along my trusty pea green Holga, and tried to soak up the culture. The food was spicy. Markets sold ants, pig heads, and alive frogs. The people were very kind but shy. Monks walked everywhere. Whole families rode on a single motorbike. As I walked through villages, everyone would smile and wave. The old men smiled toothless, and the children shrieked with curiosity. I befriended a girl my age named Ploy.

Ploy was the daughter of the woman who took care of the old couple I was staying with. She and her mother Pet spoke very little English. The most remarkable night I spent was my last one at the Night Safari. The Night Safari is a zoo at night for all the nocturnal animals. I went with Pet and Ploy. We spoke in broken English, made animal noises, and laughed the entire time. Once we came home, we lit two white lanterns and sent them to the sky. I swear they floated to the cosmos. Walking and breathing on the other side of the earth has changed me. I feel many things, mostly insignificantly small and free. Now, one of my greatest priorities is to see more of the world. I keep an old globe in my room as a reminder that there is much more beyond me.

A few of the photos I took:

You write complete trash. You’ll never think up anything yourself. Using clever words does not achieve the deep and quirky persona you are chasing. Frankly I don’t like you and I think your hair looks funny. Id ‘Unfollow’ you but id rather you read this and feel a jab.

I was a camera until I went blind

My past eight days were spent in Sayulita and other small villages in Mexico. I had a remarkable time. These once distant villages were being filled with tour buses, but I wasn’t in too huge of an uproar because it had improved their quality of life. Even the stray dogs and cats where being given a chance.

I recently purchased a fixed fisheye and was gifted a pea colored Holga. I brought along these cameras for a try. Once in Sayulita, my entire family began to drink. They allowed me to order a coke and rum and had a good laugh. I acted ignorant and made faces so they would not suspect me of ever drinking. My sister just looked irritated and made sly remarks about my actual innocence. A second round was ordered, excluding me, so I was left play with my sober self.

At first I wandered the town, snapping photos. Then I found myself sitting in the sand alone. I felt a strong desire to dig a giant hole, and so I proceeded to do so until the tide filled it. Pissed, like I owned the fucking hole, I began to build a wall around my hole. I ran my hands along the wall, patting sand, protecting my hole. About 45 minutes into this is where the boy with the red plastic glasses comes in. He walked by pale, in a v neck, and practically oozing Portland. Walking right by, I knew he was timid. I tried to look interested in my kingdom, but couldn’t help but noticed his hesitance whether to walk back over or leave. Finally he came over, asked if he could help.

I found out his name is Connor (age 17), we like the same music and we had been at some of the same small shows. We walked into town, found a bar, and ordered drinks. I was convinced my partial nudity had gotten us in, but he seemed to think it was his sexy pale skin. After we wandered around the town taking photos. We sat on a log on the beach, and I used the last of my film on him. I enjoyed his company. It felt nice making a friend. We wanted to explore a nearby cemetery, but it was time for me to leave. No phones on either of us, it was possible we were not going to meet up again. I wrote him a name and number and was off.

The rest of my trip I looked forward to developing and seeing the photos we had taken of each other. It was my first time with colored instead of black and white. But this wasn’t going to happen. Id forgotten my film inside my camera, and packed it all in my suitcase. We went through airports and it went through x-rays. I assume It was all destroyed, including all my other rolls Id forgotten in the luggage. As I write this, it is being developed at a cheap one hour photo place. There is little hope, so little money is going into it. I don’t care how damaged they are, just as long as I can see them.

Hello out there.

Everyone annoys me. Spending so much time with Dusty is not kosher. I want to go back to the same independent individual as I used to be. It feels like the whole world is just restraining me in a herculean game of red rover. Its pretty crummy. Saturday night I’m attending starfucker. Its my fourth time seeing them, and I hope the glory never wears off.

It has been ages since I have posted and I want someone to read about me,

just once again.